The Smart Domestic

True Stories of Semi-Competent Adults

Archives for February 2017

Happy birthday to The Smart Domestic!

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image of birthday cake with candles

A year ago, we launched The Smart Domestic. My goal was to create a place for honest conversations about modern adulthood, parenting tips and tricks, and smart perspectives from lots of interesting people.

I’m proud that the site has become a place to share stories about our lives and the perspectives of others navigating through the intersection of domesticity, career, personal, and play. We’ve talked about topics ranging from love and infertility to podcasts  and Netflix. And we’ve asked other women to share their stories with us. We celebrated coziness with hygge week, we explored what makes a house feel like home, we shared real talk about holidays and life, and we recommended our favorites things to to read, watch, and listen to. I’m grateful that our contributors have brought wit, honesty, insights, and recommendations, and I’ve made new friends by reading their stories and talking with them.

In the past 12 months, I’ve added a second boy to my family, and my co-blogger/BFF Leslie has gone back to work full-time. Now more than ever, I struggle to stay calm and balanced, while working full-time, raising two kids, keeping my house in order, and making time for my marriage, friendships, creativity, and leisure. But writing my stories (and hearing from other people sorting through life’s lessons) makes every moment I spend on this website worthwhile. I hope you feel the same way when you visit The Smart Domestic.

If you have a few minutes: I’d love to hear from readers. Have you had a favorite post? What would you like to read here? Share in the comments or join us on Facebook!

 Cake image by Stephanie McCabe via Unsplash

Decisions: Is my kid ready for kindergarten?

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Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

By Andrea Rogers

In my day-to-day interactions with colleagues, I feel confident. I don’t know everything, but I do know a thing or two about communications, and I have assurance in my ability to make decisions and manage projects to completion.

So why is it that I often agonize over parenting decisions? I second-guess myself all the time and analyze the pros and cons of every big decision.

This is exactly what happened after a recent email from my daughter’s preschool. The topic? Kindergarten readiness.

Let me be clear, I’m not the type of mom who will blindly disagree with every bit of feedback about my children. And my 5-year-old daughter does, at times, behave “young” for her age. If I’m being introspective, a lot of that is probably my fault – I consciously wanted her to relish the carefree days before she started school. Maybe I’ve done too much for her at times.

So when this email came, I knew that it would not be positive feedback about my daughter’s kindergarten readiness. That was confirmed by a brief and frank conversation with the center director, who listed a few issues, mostly around temper tantrums and transitions. Also, my girl has never been a fan of circle time, and sitting still for that specific activity has not been her strong suit. There’s no disagreement that academically, she is ready for school in the fall. With a birthday in December, she’s old enough too.

So we set a meeting to discuss these issues. I agonized over this meeting for a solid eight days.

I endlessly discussed it with my partner in life and crime, Dave. After almost 10 years of marriage, he is well-versed in my anxieties and sensitivities. He also knows that I have to get it out of my system; if I don’t get it out by talking, it usually comes out anyway, in the worst ways. Night terrors, which I still suffer from in adulthood, often pop up during these stressful moments.

I sought advice from other moms, a friend who is a kindergarten teacher, and my best girlfriends who don’t have kids. I pored over countless internet articles about “redshirting” and its benefits and drawbacks. Everyone (and the reputable internet sources) had good advice. The general consensus? It will work out. And the fact that I’m so worried about it now (when kindergarten is not until next fall) is probably a good thing.

For the most part, the research says that kids who are a bit behind (either in maturity, academic ability, or both) catch up to their peers by first grade. And my teacher friend assured me that catching up in terms of maturity is often easier than catching up academically.

So why agonize over this decision? Why write this post? That’s a complicated question to answer, but if I’m being honest, it hurts me to think that my child is not 100 percent “up to snuff.” I’ve always loved that she is a “square peg,” but I know that being extraordinary can sometimes make life challenging. I don’t want her to struggle or to feel less than her classmates.

My decision? Redshirting is off the table. I can understand and respect others who choose differently for their children, but I’ve decided that holding her back will not help her progress. I don’t like the idea of her being a 19-and-a-½ year old senior in high school. I believe she’ll benefit from being surrounded by peers close to her own age.

This blog post is the final stage in my around the clock internal debate. I’m ready to let this one go, and I’m going into the meeting in a good place. I appreciate the feedback and any strategies the teachers might offer.

Dave and I know we will have to do our part to help her mature and do more things for herself between now and late August.

Coat zipping is our current project. Have you ever watched a kid try (but not really try) to zip a coat for 5 minutes when you need to be at work promptly at 8 a.m.? Let me tell you, that’s an exercise in letting go.

It’s also about supporting her, because no matter what, we are in her corner. And that means that when she gives her best effort, we eventually do zip that coat and tell her to try harder next time because we know she can, and will, do it.

This post originally appeared on Andrea’s blog, Mama Wears Combat Boots. You can follow her on Twitter @andrearogers.

How to start a documentary club

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Logo for We've Got Issues Doc Club

My friend Katie is inspired by the rich storytelling and social impact of great documentary films. But after watching them, she felt lost about how to make meaningful changes in her life. So she’s created an in-person and online club to explore documentaries and enact life changes (or social actions). She explains how it all got started, what they’ve watched so far, and how anyone can get involved or create their own chapter.

By Katie Scarlett Brandt 

The first time I tried to watch the documentary Food, Inc., I made it 20 minutes before I had to turn it off. If I kept watching, I wouldn’t be able to sleep unless I first built my own mini-farm in the backyard, hunted down non-genetically modified seeds, and vowed never to shop at a grocery store again. But it was 10 p.m. So instead, I turned off the documentary, and lulled myself to sleep with Seinfeld reruns.

Almost a decade later, I still haven’t gone back to Food, Inc. But I deeply believe that documentaries matter. They showcase real people and unique voices. Some delve into topics that you’d never think to explore on your own. Others make complicated issues digestible.

However, documentaries also can be intensely overwhelming if you’re someone who wants to see changes in the world. So a few months ago, I made a plan with my friend Sam, who also loves documentaries. We didn’t want to skip seeing important films out of fear of feeling too overwhelmed or depressed, and we wanted to talk about and process what we watched. Not only that, but given the political climate, we wanted to find ways to take action based on what these documentaries would show us.

We formed a club, We’ve Got Issues Doc Society, which meets every other month. Our goals: Watch a documentary. Discuss. Take action. To facilitate the post-screening discussions, we invite people who work in whatever area that month’s documentary focuses on. Our February screening was an environmental film; the discussion leaders we invited work in biodiesel, environmental activism, and composting.

As a complement to those talks, we develop a resource list of books and articles to read, podcasts to listen to, other films to watch, thought leaders to follow, and actions to take to affect change.

Our group is based in Chicago, but we share each month’s movie and resource list with people who have started chapters in other places: California, Colorado, and Virginia. For access to our screening list and resource guides, join our Facebook group or email me. We’ll also share the guides here on The Smart Domestic.

Here’s what we’ve watched so far:

  • 13th—Filmmaker Ava DuVernay looks at the history of racial inequality in the United States and how that history continues to play out in the form of mass incarceration. (See the resource and action list.)
  • Before the Flood—Leonardo DiCaprio takes us on a trip around the world to see how climate change and the fossil fuel industry are devastating the planet (See the resource and action list.)

If you’ve got suggestions for documentaries, resources, or action items, reach out via comment or on Facebook. The next screening will be in April.

Katie Scarlett Brandt is a writer, editor, and digital media strategist. She’s based in Chicago; you can find her on Twitter, Instagram, or her website. 

A briefcase and a breast pump: Traveling as a working mom

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The Internet of Moms is rich with tips, hacks, well-worn advice, and know-it-alls on discussion boards. But when our friend Emily tried to find helpful resources for ongoing work travel after maternity leave, she was disappointed. She offered to share what she’s learned with The Smart Domestic. Today, we’re meeting her and hearing more about her transition from a travel-loving road warrior to a working mom juggling a briefcase and a breast pump.

By Emily McClimon

I’ve always loved to travel, so when I took a job five years ago that required 75 percent travel, it was a good fit. As the years passed, I changed roles to a position that took me on the road most weeks and even some weekends. I hit Delta’s highest medallion status twice in 18 months. My husband and I used rare vacations to visit tiny towns in France and remote beaches in the Virgin Islands, and I carried my road warrior title with pride.

Then, in a hotel for a work conference, two pink lines appeared on a white stick. I texted my best friend to confirm what I was seeing. Eager, anxious, anticipatory joy began to take hold. My husband and I were thrilled that our family would be changing.

He and I knew my work would need to change too. When I told my colleagues and my boss that I was expecting, I convinced myself (and them) that the travel would work out. Sure, I would have to cut back, but it would work because it had to.


At  five months pregnant I unexpectedly changed jobs, and the new role required less travel, but I would still need to get on a plane regularly to visit clients several states away.

Thinking back on it now, I probably wouldn’t have considered a job that didn’t have travel as part of the gig. As much of a pain as work travel can be, I like it. It’s not as glamorous as people may think. One Courtyard Marriott looks exactly like another, and you don’t often get to see the sights in a town because business rarely happens on a boardwalk or the beach. Yet it satiates my restlessness and propensity for boredom and has provided me opportunity to visit neat places I wouldn’t have been able to see otherwise.

Anyway, when I took the new job, I told my new boss that yes, I understood there was some travel involved, and no, it didn’t bother me, and yes, of course it would work out. The thing was, these reassurances weren’t platitudes. I truly believed that work travel with a baby would be a bit of a challenge but certainly something that other moms do. It wouldn’t be that much of a change. Or so I thought.

I remember looking up stylish breast pump bags on Amazon, thinking that it would be nice if it matched my leather Coach briefcase. I pored over dimensions to be sure it would fit in an overhead compartment. I researched, then registered for, a breastmilk storage system that would allow my husband to warm the pouch directly from the freezer and just snap it into a bottle-like case, because not having to transfer milk into a bottle was certain to make my husband’s time alone with the baby while I traveled so much easier.

Bizarre as it may seem, I thought with a few small adjustments here or there, being a road-warrior mama would be more than doable. It could actually be easy.

Well.

I have come to believe that motherhood is an exercise in being okay with being wrong. It is also a blessing that one of motherhood’s greatest lessons is that of humility.

When my sweet, serious, wide-eyed son Graham arrived right on time in late May, everything in my life shifted. As my too-short maternity leave wound down, I began to feel a pit in my stomach even bigger than the one that was currently consuming my thoughts of returning to work. Not only was I going to have to go back to work while still only sleeping in 90-minute increments at night, I was going to have to get on a plane and sleep somewhere farther away from my baby than the 6-feet distance currently between my side of the bed and his Rock ‘n Play.

I was worried about so much, and had no idea what this next phase of life would look like or how it would logistically work.

I began to do what every modern mom does when faced with a question or challenge: I Googled. Usually Google is second only to Pinterest when it comes to the amount of overwhelming information a new mom can find on any given topic. However, during this 3 a.m. Googling session, I was surprised to find the opposite was true.

There were limited resources for working moms who regularly travel for work. I found a couple of articles about how to travel with a pump and expressed breastmilk and a few on how to travel with baby. The problem was that these were all framed as resources for the occasional trip or two that may come to pass, and offered little advice on how to make regular business travel work for a new mama and her family. There were countless articles on how to make the transition back to work smoother, but most of those writers urged new moms to remember that they would be seeing their littles in only a few short hours, advice I found only added insult to the broken-heartedness I was already experiencing. The working-pumping schedule templates online didn’t help much either because they, understandably, only took into account an 8-ish hour workday, a couple of pumping breaks, and only a day’s supply of milk to worry about storing.

In short, the few working mom resources I found were little help in preparing me to take on this new role as a working mom who would regularly have to be away from my baby, and would also need to pump while I was away.

It was then that the idea of a blog series began to form. I found it incredulous that in 2016, such little support was available for a mama in a role like mine, but I knew from meeting other women on the road that surely there were more of us who could benefit from sharing experiences about life on the road as a new mom.

After all, another one of the fundamental truths of motherhood I’ve come to believe is this: Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and in these joy-filled, heartache-ridden, late-night, early-morning trenches, other moms can be our greatest support.

Emily McClimon is an account executive for an IT consulting firm, an aspiring cook, restless academic, dog-lover, lapsed journalist, avid reader, and traveling-working mom of an 8 month-old-son. Follow her on Twitter.

Maternity photos with dogs and books by Life Meaningful Photography; all others courtesy Emily McClimon

Hygge reads, kids edition: Children’s books for winter days

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By Leslie Kotzas

This past year, I’ve spent my days surrounded by the warmest images, the cutest creatures, and fluffiest monsters. Working in the children’s department of the public library in the company of beautiful picture books keeps me warm and cozy in the dark, gray winter. (Librarian plug: Stop by your local library and find a treasure to warm your heart!)

Before you jump to your feet and head out the door, let me share the ones that I’ve found delightful. They’ll make you laugh, make you weep, and make you snuggle under blankets!

Ada Twist, Scientist: This is a great rhyming book that promotes girls in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math). Ada gets into some interesting predicaments trying to prove her hypothesis. If you like this one, there are a few more that are just as good: Iggy Peck, Architect and Rosie Revere, Engineer.

Ida Always: Grab your tissues, clutch your baby close, and let the tears flow. Two polar bears that live together in the zoo have to face the fact that Ida is dying. I could only read it once!

Cat Knit: Sometimes our friends change, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t friends. Get out your knitting needles and make a new friend for someone you love.

Nanette’s Baguette: This book rhymes the adventure of Nanette and her responsibility to bring home a baguette for her mother. Want to know what happens to that baguette?

The Messy Book: Do you have a little one that is a little messy? Want to show them that cleaning up isn’t so bad? Then this book is for you!

This is Not a Picture Book: Picture books are clearly the best. However, what about when books stop having pictures? Are they worth it? Check out this book and find out.

Gary: This books made me smile like a fool the whole way through. This pigeon who dreams of doing big things is given the chance despite his disability.

Ideas Are All Around: If the book above doesn’t pique your interest about writing, then follow the author through his books as he looks for ideas to write about.

A Beginner’s Guide to Bear Spotting: Bears are all around in the woods. Do you know what to do if you spot one? Check this one out quick! You’ll be needing this advice!

Miss Moon: Wise Words From A Dog Governess. You’ve got a dog. Find out what advice Miss Moon has to share!

Have anymore picture books you can’t get enough of? Need more recommendations? Let us know in the comments or on Facebook!

 
 

Netflix and Hygge: What to watch this winter

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By Andrea Rogers

It’s cold and snowy (in some parts of the Midwest, at least), and I have come down with an awful cold. So Hygge Week on The Smart Domestic couldn’t have come at a better time, because I’ve become an expert on what to binge-watch from your soft couch, with the the comfort of a cup of tea and warm throw.

Here are my recommendations for what you should stream on Netflix right now:

Stranger Things

It’s not too late to jump on the “Stranger Things” bandwagon. If you love monsters, Winona Ryder, “Goonies,” and “E.T.” then you will love this show.

Holy Hell and Deprogrammed

I am fascinated by cults. The gurus, followers, rituals and propaganda are endlessly appealing to me. These two documentaries complement each other so well, you should consider watching them back to back.

“Holy Hell” is a deep-dive into the Buddhafield cult, which started in the ’80s and is still around today. Buddhafield has all of the trappings of a classic cult (not to be confused with a cult classic): New Age guru, lovey-dovey followers, secretive behaviors, but with a late ‘80s, early ‘90s flair. (The guru wears Speedos, a lot).

“Deprogrammed” is about Ted ‘Black Lightning’ Patrick, a self-trained cult de-programmer who rose to fame in the ‘80s by abducting cult members, bringing them home and mentally breaking them into submission to their parents’ will. Patrick went head-to-head with members of Children of God, Moonies, Hare Krishnas, and more. His tactics landed him in jail, and his critics railed against him, but some parents and former cult members laud him as a savior. Whatever you think about him, he’s interesting.

It Follows

“It Follows” is a scary, original flick that is reminiscent of “Nightmare on Elm Street.” A small, close group of friends fight a supernatural curse that has befallen the protagonist, Jay, after she sleeps with her boyfriend. Like the “Nightmare” teens, Jay and her friends must remain ever-vigilant, as the curse is never far behind. This is one of the best horror movies to come out in recent years, and it just arrived on Netflix.

The Crown

Period dramas are the television equivalent of comfort food; like a delicious bowl of mac and cheese, they are rich, slightly indulgent and oh-so-satisfying. “The Crown” tells the story of the current queen of England, Elizabeth II. This first season focuses on the early years of her reign and her struggle to balance the changing role of monarchy in the British Empire with her personal need to be a wife and mother. (As an aside, I’m really looking forward to future seasons and the portrayal of Princess Diana.)

What are you watching this week? Share your own #netflixandhygge picks with us.

Andrea Rogers loves hygge so much, she wrote two posts for our #hyggeweek series. You can find her at mamawearscombatboots.com or on Twitter @andrearogers.

Photo via Unsplash

Hygge eats: An ode to tomato soup

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By Katie Colt 

Everyone we know these days is stressed. Unending reports of impending doomsday for anyone, everywhere, at any time, take up a lot of emotional space. For some, the world feels like it is on the edge of overwhelming tumult, and it’s a naturally protective measure to self-soothe and seek refuge.

Food has always been a comfort for me, each bite working to quiet my daily anxieties. It’s a fact* that warm, edible liquids make everything better. So for Hygge Week, I’m sharing my unabashed, unadulterated love for tomato soup. Allow me to present the case for tomato soup as the perfect hygge food.

It is a banquet for your senses. Tomato soup glows in a warm ember-red color that nudges you to eat it in front of the fire. Its smooth, earthy-fruity fragrance soothes your nostrils as the logs crackle and burn. Its velvety, rich texture is equally divine as the way it glimmers on your spoon before entering your mouth. The best tomato soup, a perfect marriage of tempered creaminess and acidity, tickles the taste buds before sliding down into one’s belly—like a Sade song for your gastrointestinal tract.**

Anything you add to it is made exponentially better. A perfectly pan-toasted Gouda grilled cheese? Dip it right in. Stale wheat toast onto which you melted questionable shredded cheese? Throw it in there. Avocado slices or a heaping spoonful of leftover guac add an extra element of heartiness. My personal favorite addition: Ready-made cheese tortellini. While the soup is simmering on the stove, toss those puppies in and cook until warm and tender. It’s an adult update on SpaghettiOs, and the bit of nostalgia in each bite makes my heart smile.***

It is also extremely satisfying by itself. Despite its ability to improve other ingredients, tomato soup needs no one. It is strong; it is independent. And it is filling, with no croutons or crackers required. Even though it feels like a guilty pleasure, it doesn’t have to be. (My grocery store favorite is Amy’s Organic Light in Sodium Chunky Tomato Bisque, a mouthful to say, but a mouthful you’ll thank yourself for consuming. It makes up for the lack of salt with a hint of sweet.) I never regret making myself a can for an easy, yet soul-satisfying lunch.

What foods bring you joy and warmth? Share your favorite hygge ideas with us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter (or here in the comments).

*Editor’s note: Apparently Katie has accepted the new American definition of “fact,” and I can’t disagree with this statement about warm foods.
**Editor’s note, again: Bet you didn’t see that line coming, huh? I definitely didn’t.
***Hey, it’s Suzanne here: I tried SpaghettiOs at some point a few months ago when my kid rejected them, and I’d much rather go for this adult take.

Katie Colt lives in Chicago with her husband and son James. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter @katiebabyhorse for her musings on motherhood, music, and more. 

Hygge decor: 7 ideas to help you forget your hatred of winter

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By Meryl Williams

I do not care for winter.

I do not care for it so much that I moved to a climate where I believed it would not touch me, but it turns out that the gray of the Pacific Northwest does worse for my mental health than snow. So now I’m back in my native Midwest! I have decided to embrace winter, and the hygge decor around my new apartment helps. (So has global warming and a very mild-weathered 2017, but that’s another story.)

If you’re feeling some cabin fever, hygge up your place with these decor ideas.

Fake fireplace cover:

The best-case scenario for a new place is that it comes with a working fireplace. The second-best case is that you get a really pretty non-working one. My apartment has the latter, so I like having a cover up against it to keep me from feeling sad about not actually being able to use it.

Tiny, white lights everywhere:

As we all know, tiny bright lights are for all of winter, not just the holidays. These ones I Scotch-taped to my fake fireplace are twee *and* offer a flattering soft lighting option. (Editor’s note from Suzanne: Bright Lab offers some cute ones!)

Cats on blankets:

So hygge. Go get you some cats.

Assorted coffee mugs, zero glassware:

Who needs gold-leaf-rimmed wine glasses when I have a perfectly good mug whose message leads people to believe I read more than I actually do? Coffee mugs make every beverage a winter beverage: Tea, LaCroix, root beer, you name it. Hygge. It. Up.

Stacks of books:

Speaking of literature, look at all these pretty library books I fully intend to read over winter, even though I know I’m just gonna end up re-reading all seven Harry Potter books instead! They make excellent decorations!

Cross stitches:

I did not make these! My talented sister-in-law did, and my apartment benefits from them. Not only are they adorable and politically in line with my views, but visitors constantly compliment them. (Editor’s note again: Here are two cute options to buy for your own home.)

Lots of dang foxes and birch trees:

Snow is terrible, but foxes attempting to dig through it are adorable. Pepper your home with IKEA birch tree branches and fox art, and you’ll forget how much you loathe January.

Have at it! May hygge get you through until spring!

Meryl Williams is a writer working on a collection of essays about learning to play roller derby. If you want to see more of her writing, sign up for The Sleeper Hit newsletter or find her on Twitter (@merylwilliams).