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Decisions

Decisions: There will be another

October 1, 2016 by Suzanne 3 Comments

Photo by Ananda Escudero Gomes via Unsplash

October marks the month to recognize Pregnancy and Infant Loss. Today, we’re sharing one story about loss from Katie Colt. She’s written for us before, on a much lighter subject; today she’s sharing an essay about her first son, Max, who passed away shortly after his birth.

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: decisions, grief, infant loss, motherhood, parenting

Decisions: Back to full-time

August 22, 2016 by Leslie Leave a Comment

Back to full-time

Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

A little over a year ago, I quit my job as a consultant to stay home full-time with my daughter. It’s incredible to think it has only been a year. The stress, the joy, the sleeplessness, the firsts, and the snuggles: they all blur together. They’re muddled in my mind as one big, gooey ball of my new life. Since my co-blogger has returned to work after the birth of her second child, questions about how to balance work and family still come up as we talk to each other and navigate our lives.

Here’s the blog post I blissfully wrote when I quit my job. It meant only worrying about home and baby for a while. Now, that I’m on the other side of that, I’m ready for a change. For myself (mostly) and for others who are at this point or going to be, here are some of the reasons why I’ve accepted a full-time position at my library. (I had previously been working part-time, 3 days a week.)

Mental break

I know that I need more sleep. I know that I need to eat healthy, stretch, exercise, and rest. I had no idea that I would need to take mental breaks from life at home. It wasn’t on my radar. Work for me is that mental break. Everything at the library is somewhat in my control; solutions are to be had, mysteries are easily solvable, there is a schedule, and my patrons are great to be around. At 17 months, my daughter can be unpredictable. What she liked yesterday, she doesn’t like today, and then I am searching through the cupboards trying to fill her belly with something she will eat. At work, I don’t have to worry about this for 8 hours. I push it from my mind and take a break. It is absolutely crazy that work gives me that break, but it does.

Educational play

We play with the alphabet magnets, we sing songs, read books, and I talk up a storm with her. But quite frankly, I am too pooped from a long day of just watching her to do activities or make plans for educational play beyond that. That is why I am happy to send her to daycare. With other kids she can paint, go in the sprinkler, play with sand, squish play-dough between her fingers, learn social skills, and gain a little independence from mama. I’m totally committed to giving her every learning opportunity I am capable of, but there is no sense in making myself crazy. I’ll take the help where I can get it.

Opportunity

I didn’t actively seek going back to work full-time. It just happened that a position opened up at the right time. It’s a move upward and a pay increase. Not to mention, finding full-time work in libraries is difficult, so when an opportunity presents itself, you take it. I’m looking forward to taking on more responsibility and continuing to create a great library experience for every patron that walks through the door. I also like that my career journey continues. I made a personal master plan seven years ago, and while the details are different than what I imagined, I’m continuing to move and grow.

I can’t help but come back to the most important reason why this all makes sense for me; I got a year home with my daughter. I am incredibly lucky that my husband and I were able to make that happen. In the United States, we’re not guaranteed paid time off after the birth of a child. More than one friend has told me about how horrible it felt that first day back: thinking of the baby, being uncomfortable, not being able to concentrate on work. I fortunately only experienced two weeks of that before I quit. But having a year to adjust and get used to life with a child made going back to work full-time an easy decision.

Tell us your experience going back to work. What was it like for you? Is there any advice you would give to those who are returning? Post a comment below, on Facebook, or email thesmartdomestic@gmail.com. 

Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: babies, decisions, maternity leave, motherhood, work, work-life balance, working mom

Decisions: Parenting with nostalgia

August 5, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

decisions - nostalgia

Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

Today, contributor Stephanie Mangino discusses how she’s merged her retro pop culture sensibilities with her daughter’s modern tastes. 

Merging our pop culture past and our kid’s present

By Stephanie Mangino

As my 7-year-old daughter and I walked hand-in-hand the short distance from the parking lot to her summer day camp, we talked about the music we’d just listened to on our car ride.

“You know, those guys I just played for you were friends with the ‘King of Rock’ guys,” I said. She looked at me. “Those earlier guys were RUN-DMC and ‘King of Rock’ was the flip side of the ’Walk This Way’ single.”

FYI, the first “guys” in question were the Beastie Boys. I played “Shake Your Rump” of “Paul’s Boutique,” because the girl is all about butts (in a joking way, not a Tina Belcher of “Bob’s Burgers” way).

The girl gazed up at me, smiling. “Mom, zip it,” she said with a mischievous grin.

“Zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket?” I asked.

“Yep,” she said as we continued walking.

Now, most of the time, I’m not politely asked to “Zip it,” nor is my husband, when we introduce the girl to the stuff from our childhoods that we love. I don’t remember making a specific decision to be fairly retro, in all ways, with the girl. Instead, it seemed to be a natural outgrowth of who we are as people, a couple, and parents. I nursed the girl with “Bonanza,” “Little House on the Prairie,” and “Magnum P.I.,” playing on the Hallmark channel. I had to cut out “Magnum,” though — its sounds seemed to irritate her tiny baby ears, for some reason.

So, our daughter, in 2016, actually has an opinion on whether she prefers “The Munsters” or “The Addams Family” (Munsters, usually), is very familiar with all the characters on “The Andy Griffith Show,” knows that Davy Jones is ALWAYS falling in love on “The Monkees,” can compare a fantasy medieval character on a kid’s show to the “farm boy” in “The Princess Bride,” and sing parts of both “Beat It” and “Eat It,” preferring “Eat It.” She happily wears Labyrinth and Beatles T-shirts and, courtesy of a “Psych” episode, has become a bit of a Tears for Fears fan. She’s seen Witchiepoo from “H.R. Pufnstuf” and “Sigmund and the Sea Monsters.” She knows the “WKRP in Cincinnati” theme song and always smiles when Def Leppard comes on a classic rock radio station. I listen to A TON of classic rock in the car. A TON.

Why is all this good? Why does this matter? Well, for me, it matters because I consider this stuff cultural and generational connective tissue. Here’s how I think about it:  My mom grew up watching “The Andy Griffith Show.” She quotes lines from it still, like “Nip it in the bud,” or “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never touch me.” I quote those same lines, and she and I laugh whenever we say them. My husband loves them, too. And now, so can my daughter. Her exposure to the show lets her get the joke while sharing something with all of us. We’ve conveyed our collective sense of humor to her with a few lines and a show. With the pop culture memories drawn exclusively from our own childhoods, something similar occurs. However, in this case, our moms remember how much we loved something and then share that info with the kiddo, which makes it impressive. (You know grandparental words carry far more weight than parental ones, yes? They’re so much more trustworthy than those people who remind you to brush your teeth each night.)

When we play the songs we like for her, we hand parts of our past to her in convenient little bundles. Whether or not she likes what she hears or sees, she’ll know we cared enough to share part of who we are with her through music. That goes for movies and books and general stuff, too.

Now, I can be a little pedantic about the things I enjoy, and I’m naturally inclined to lecture, which can turn off the girl sometimes. For example, my excitement and interest in the record player Santa brought means that the turntable is usually turned off. But when I step back and put a song on that I like, or play an old video just because, cool things can happen. One day, I turned on some Duran Duran videos, for the hell of it. To my delight, the girl loved “Rio.” My husband is more relaxed. He’ll turn on the TV and start some old show, without comment. The kid loves TV and eventually she rolls on over, watches and finds something she likes about it. Boom. Instant shared cultural currency.

All that said, we don’t completely live in the past. We listen to new songs, have cut the cable cord and run all our home media via the internet. The kiddo likes Minecraft and iPad games and the Kindle Fire. (She even reads from time to time, too.) She, like many others in the elementary school set, REALLY likes “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae).” When our family attended a party recently, the girl and a friend of hers caught lightning bugs and then decamped to her friend’s room to watch “My Little Pony” as the grown-ups listened to The Motels and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts on vinyl. She was upstairs making her own childhood memories as we were downstairs reliving some of ours. One day, if we’re lucky, both sets of those memories will meet and the girl will carry her personalized cultural currency to another generation.

Stephanie, a.k.a. Nostalgia Mom (www.nostalgiamom.com), is a former radio, print and web journalist, sometime blogger and full-time marketing writer. She has a history degree and a love of all kinds of old junk. She’s a wife to a husband who also loves old stuff (including her :)) and mother to one awesome kid, who unintentionally lives out Viv Savage’s maxim from “This Is Spinal Tap”: Have a good time, ALL the time.

Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: motherhood, music, nostalgia, parenting, pop culture, television

Decisions: I’m leaving hipster paradise for Midwest familiarity

July 12, 2016 by Suzanne 2 Comments

The famous Portland sign on Burnside

Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

Today, contributor Meryl Williams explains why she’s leaving Portland, Oregon, to return to her home state of Ohio.

I’m Moving Back to My Home State After Six Years Away

Six years ago, I quit my day job and moved from Columbus, Ohio, to Chicago. I lived there for five years and then decided while on a solo vacation to move across the country to Portland, Oregon. (Did I mention this was after a breakup and a quarter life crisis?)

Weirdly, the Portland move was easier on me than the cross-Midwest jump, but unlike Chicago, Portland didn’t quite stick the way I envisioned. Now I’m moving back to the Midwest, back to Columbus. I think there are a lot of reasons for it, and none of them are anyone’s fault….

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: Chicago, Columbus, cross-country moves, moving, Ohio, Oregon, Portland

Decisions: We moved from NYC to Germany

May 10, 2016 by Suzanne 1 Comment

IMG_1480 Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

Today, Natasha Rivett-Carnac discusses her experience of moving to Germany with two kids and a limited German vocabulary. 

The Chrysalis: How One Family Decided to Move from NYC to Germany

By Natasha Rivett-Carnac

One morning on a hot summer day in New York City, the phone rings. It is the climate change office of the United Nations. The man on the phone says, “We want someone for the job of strategic adviser to the Executive Secretary of the United Nations.”  

“But I have no idea how to do that,” my husband says.  

“Perfect. That’s what we want.”  

My husband hangs up the phone. He looks at me with a now-familiar mixture of anticipation and apprehension.  

“How do you feel about Germany?” he says. …

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: adventure, expatriate life, Germany, living abroad, marriage, parenting

Decisions: I moved to America for love

April 26, 2016 by Suzanne 2 Comments

Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

In today’s post, Hannah Nersasian discusses how she ended up in America after a long-term, long-distance relationship that started in Italy more than a decade ago.

Committing to long-term, long-distance love

By Hannah Nersasian

In February 2010, I left my parent’s house in Devon, England, and moved to America to get married. I’d only been back in Devon for a few months after leaving my job in London, but the return to the countryside (and daily dog-walks, morning coffee and evening wine with my mother) served only to emphasize all I was leaving behind. I was moving towards love and a whole new life but the transition involved a couple of weeks where I woke up crying and proceeded to leak tears the rest of the day. Even as I embraced marriage and celebrated finally inhabiting the same continent as my husband, I grieved the loss of country and the separation from my family. I grieved for familiarity and sense of belonging….

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: long-distance relationships, love, marriage, relationships

Stay-at-home mom vs. daddy daycare

April 19, 2016 by Leslie 2 Comments

IMG_0081  When my co-blogger told me the news that her husband, Robb, would be quitting his job and taking care of their first baby, I wasn’t surprised. He is one of those guys that is great with kids, ready for his new life as a dad, and didn’t really care for his job anyways.

In my case, I didn’t decide until after my maternity leave that I would stay home. I was racked with indecision. I thought about studies that showed moms that worked had more independent and successful daughters. I thought about anecdotal stories of babies becoming aggressive from too much daycare. Was it better for me to stay home or for me to keep working? I didn’t really like my job. My husband loved his and made enough to support us, so I stayed home….

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: babies, fatherhood, motherhood, parenting, stay-at-home mom

Decisions: I used a week of vacation to celebrate 30

April 11, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

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Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

In today’s post, Meryl Williams explains why she took a full week to celebrate the big 3-0.

A Birthday Stay-cation

by Meryl Williams

Back in January, the moment I had a fresh year to plan time off from my day job, I asked for the week of my 30th birthday off. I unabashedly love my own birthday, but this was the first time I used vacation time for it. Thirty felt like a bigger deal than usual. I love my job and my company, and I know not everyone is in the position to take a week of vacation for a birthday, but getting the week off felt like a smart thing for me to do for several reasons.
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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: birthdays, self-care, the big 3-0, treat yo self, turning 30

Decisions: I got married young

April 5, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

Dan 3

Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

In today’s post, guest contributor Emily Glover talks about why she got married as a college student.

Undergrad and newlywed

by Emily Glover

“Do you think they will still give us a bottle of champagne to pop?”

My husband-to-be assured me there likely would be — after all, he would be 21. Still, as if I didn’t already know it, the inclusion of a bottle of champagne in the wedding package was a big reminder that I was younger than the typical bride. But despite the barriers both big and small that we faced, the decision to get married when I was 20 was a deliberate one, which did come with a champagne toast.

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: decisions, marriage, relationships

Decisions: Why I don’t feel guilty for staying home

February 29, 2016 by Leslie 5 Comments

I don't feel

Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

In today’s post, I’ll talk about why I chose stay home after the birth of my daughter even though I had a good job.

Home.

Staying home.

No commuting. No projects. No conference calls. No traveling to a different city every week for months. Just thinking about home. Taking care of my daughter, planning meals, organizing the house, gardening. It was so romantic and yet… so guilty-feeling.

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: babies, motherhood, parenting

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