Real Talk

Travel tips for breastfeeding moms

August 9, 2017 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

woman with suitcase, walking through airport terminal

Our friend Emily was disappointed in the resources she could find for business travel after having a baby. She’s sharing some recommendations for how to deal with traveling (and pumping breast milk), after thousands of miles traveled (and thousands of ounces pumped) over the last year.

I am in sales, and I travel to visit clients one or two times per month, and have been doing so since my son was 3 months old. That’s 12 months of pumping on the road, and I have definitely encountered challenges along the way. I have learned many tips and tricks to making pumping as a traveling mom a bit easier. I hope that some of what I’ve learned can help fellow traveling-pumping moms meet their nursing goals, while also honoring their career obligations….

7 New Year’s resolutions from real people

December 29, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

Resolutions are confusing to me. We crowd the gym in January to abandon the treadmill a few weeks later. We buy fruits and vegetables to eat healthier snacks, and then we binge-eat spicy cheese curls from the vending machine at work. We stock up on books and delete the Facebook app, only to find ourselves scrolling through newsfeeds late at night on our laptop, curious about what high school acquaintances have accomplished lately.

(Tell me I’m not alone here.)

We can’t resist the fresh start of a new calendar year and the optimism that this year, 2017, is the one in which we get healthy, work out more, read prolifically, eat better, become wiser and more patient with our children, and Live Our Best Lives (thanks, Oprah!).

My personal goal is to write more and to share tips, stories, and essays about modern life as we know it. (You’ll be here to read whatever shows up, right?)

But I also wondered: What are my friends resolving to do/change/be in 2017? So I asked. Here are seven resolutions from real people:

Lose weight.
“I have been losing weight. I want to continue so I can keep up with my daughter and set a healthy example for her.”
“I’d love to lose weight but that is pretty much what I do every year. I feel like January is a bad time for that kind of goal. It is the season for staying inside, huddled under a warm blanket, and snuggling the dog.”
Sleep more.
“My goal is to make sure I am getting enough sleep. Over and over I realize this is the cornerstone to everything else in my life.”
Figure out how time works?
“2017 is going to be my Year of Time. I’m always late for everything, and it’s because I’m really bad at time. So this year, I want to focus on getting good at time. I don’t know how I’m going to do that yet, because I don’t fully understand how time works, but I’ll start with being more mindful.”
Master money habits.
“Getting better control over our finances.”
Pursue creative hobbies.
“I really want to devote my time in 2017 toward two things: 1, getting awesome at playing roller derby and, 2, getting more of my writing published. I’m also very ambitiously planning to start going to bed/getting up earlier to spend weekday mornings working out or writing. I stay up too late.”
Read and drink.
“I want to start every day with coffee and a book, not my phone and social media.”
Do all the things? But mostly gardening and cooking.
“Improve patience, refrain from too much overt grumpiness, cook at home more (we’ve been leaning on delivery/take out/fast food way too much), actually establish a decent garden area/container plants, read more, establish healthier habits (get in some exercise, make better food choices, yada yada yada). Make some decent flat biscuits like my grandma used to make, and which I rediscovered in Vivian Howard’s well-written and evocative “Deep Run Roots” cookbook. Grow and cook some turnip greens.”

Do you make resolutions at the start of a year? What’s on your list for 2017?

Image by Annie Spratt via Unsplash

Grateful for bagels

November 21, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

Bagel. by Alexander Rhys on Flickr

When I came back to work after 10 weeks of maternity leave, my co-workers, teammates, and friends signed a “Welcome back!” card.

They gave me a grace period to catch up on emails and remember where I was and what I needed to do.

They asked me about the baby, and about my older boy, and about me.

But the thing I keep thinking about is bagels.

My manager detoured to my favorite local deli that first day and picked up a bag of fresh bagels, along with schmears, for my triumphant return to the office. She celebrated me with carbs and cream cheese. She remembered what I liked, and she made me feel like I was a necessary, loved part of the team by remembering that.

She sent an email alerting our team that I was back. She set meetings for us to catch up. She told me how glad she was to have me back in the office. She let me be for a few days, absorbing 10 weeks of missed meetings, emails, and work miscellanea. Her words mattered, but so did her gestures.

And now here I am, a few weeks back to work, living the working-mom life (thinking about and not thinking about my baby all day), being grateful for a place to think about other things, happy to make a good living by using my brain.

And I’m thankful for co-workers who welcomed me back with words and gestures, and who care enough to feed me. I’m grateful for the bagels.

Pay it forward

All this to say, if you have a co-worker coming back to work after a leave for any reason (family, personal, medical, maternity), greet them warmly. Sign a card. Ask how they’re doing. Let them settle back in for a few days. Bring them breakfast.

If she’s a new mom returning from maternity leave, ask if you can pick up her coffee one morning. If you know where the “wellness room” is for breastfeeding moms, make sure it’s stocked with paper towels, Lysol wipes, tissue and a comfortable chair. (Bonus points, if you’re a people-manager or HR manager and you add parenting magazines, storage for pumps and accessories, and a mini-fridge for milk storage.) Leave her a note to know you’re there in solidarity. Tell her kindly and gently if her shirt has spit-up all over the shoulder.

It takes a village, y’know?

A home with a messy soul

July 31, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

For a period in my life, I read a ridiculous amount of home design blogs. They were mostly geared toward lifestyles similar to mine (apartment-living, urban, rental, small spaces). But then I had a baby; I moved across states; I changed jobs. I lost my fascination with design blogs about stylish apartments.

But I’m still drawn to some of the styles of those places, even if I live in a traditional, two-story suburban house. I like bright colors, weird art, open shelving, and funky vintage pieces.

We’ve been in our current house for about a year and a half, and it’s only felt like our space in the last few months. The old, blue carpet in the bedrooms has been ripped out; the vintage, floral wallpaper has been stripped. Now the floors are light hardwood, and the walls are painted in neutral white and grays. Art collected over several years hangs throughout the walls and halls, along with family pictures and vacation photos.

But more than that, we have a house where my husband and my son “camp out” in the living room for Friday night movies, where we make messy breakfasts on the weekends, where my son’s feet pitter-patter to our room in the mornings.

I like a house with a messy soul: crumbs from baked goods in the cracks of my chairs; red finger-paint smears on the walls of my basement stairs; piles of books on the cracked, roll-top desk my grandfather got in exchange for bartering an old Volkswagen (according to family legend).

I don’t need gleaming, white marble counters; plush, creamy rugs over wide planks of hardwood; ecru leather couches with beige throw pillows; ivory desks with shiny curios from trendy boutiques.

My son and I read books with my name scribbled inside by my much-younger hand, and our armchair is very comfortable for snuggling, even if the cat has scratched its arms to bits. No one will be taking a virtual tour of my living room for decor inspiration.

I want art that brings me joy, because I know the hands that painted it and I know the faces smiling at me from family photos.

I have a bedside table stacked high with books, waiting for me to read them. My laptop follows me from couch to kitchen table, where I putter on the internet, write blog posts, and read news stories. My husband has a desk surrounded by nerd memorabilia and computer equipment. My son crashes trains in the living room, eats his snacks at a low table often smeared with juice, and he runs in literal circles before demanding to wrestle with his dad.

This mess is mine. This history is ours. This house has a soul, and it is on display for the world to see. It is imperfect and messy, but it is full of love radiating in all directions from the people inside it.

This is home.

In the next few weeks, we’re asking some friends to share their answers to one question: What makes a house feel like a home?

If you’d like to contribute, email thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

Real talk: How will you celebrate Father’s Day?

June 17, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

father's day

Since we talked about Mother’s Day a few weeks ago, we figured it ‘s only fair to ask about the masculine equivalent coming up this weekend. As with any family-related holiday, we know there’s a whole bunch of baggage that people have around the topic of fathers and fatherhood, but we’re opting to look for the bright spots. Couldn’t we all use a little distraction this week, anyway? It’s been a heavy news cycle lately.

We asked for some real talk about Father’s Day, and here’s what our friends said to the question, “What are you doing for you dad and/or partner for father’s day?”

Family gathering
My husband gets a card and small gift from the kids. I’ll also tackle bedtime duties, which is usually his domain, to give him some evening relaxing time.
My dad is not big on holidays, but I will call him because he appreciates my time more than he’d appreciate a set of grill utensils. Are grill utensils a thing dads get?*
Not sure yet**
Some cool gifts (Return of the Living Dead Limited Edition soundtrack on vinyl, Night of the Creeps sweatshirt and Halloween III baseball T-shirt from Fright Rags) and dinner out
Fishing and cook out
Taking my dad to the local airport diner (his favorite)
No clue.** That’s bad, isn’t it? I had an idea a while back, and even mentioned it to our daughter. But I think both she and I forgot. We’re talented that way.
Sending a card.
Oh, crap! Can’t someone else handle that?**
Thinking great thoughts and smiling at how he enjoyed the simple things in life.***

* Yes. You can give grill utensils. My dad is not usually a stereotype of fatherhood, but I gave him some for a recent holiday because he was using teeny tiny tongs to grill, and I was worried he’d burn his hands off if he didn’t get some better equipment.

** These “I don’t know yet” responses are fair answers, because we posed the question a few weeks ago!

*** What a sweet answer!

How are you celebrating Father’s Day?

In real life: Best/worst of summer

June 3, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

photo-1452289765185-5df11aa2a706 I’m a *little* afraid of summer this year, because I’m facing the season in my third trimester of pregnancy. Let me be graphic for a second: I’ve got a human space heater on my stomach, and underbelly sweat is real, y’all.

On Memorial Day, I filled ice cube trays with water and checked the freezer impatiently for two hours. Then I told my husband we should plan on buying bags of ice frequently, because otherwise I won’t survive until August.

Even though summer doesn’t start on the calendar until June 20, here in the Midwest, we’ve got humid weather, baby pools in the yard, and flip-flop sightings in my office. So Leslie and I asked our friends for their best/worst of summer. Here’s what they said:

BEST:

Sunshine and green
All the kids playing outside after dinner each night
BBQs and drinking outdoors
Those hot summer nights
Dresses! Sandals! The pool! Grilling!
Family and cook outs
Warm sunshine, flowers, fresh tomatoes and berries
Enjoying the heat, swimming and watching the girl play with abandon
Windows open in your house or car and the amazing breezes that come through
Pooooooooollllllllllsssssssssss
A summer breeze and a glass of wine with friends on the porch talking and laughing about our crazy lives

WORST:

Anything over 85 degrees
I have to work, so we don’t really get “summer break.”
It’s too short! Summer is my jam.
Getting sweaty during the bike/walk to work
Finding time to do all the fun things that take place.
Mosquitoes
When it’s over
Telling the girl it’s time to come in for the night, and halting that whole “playing with abandon” thing
Sunburns when you’re pasty and can’t do sunlight… even with sunscreen
Sticky pits
It doesn’t last.

Suzanne says:

BEST: Ice cream, popsicles, sorbet, fruity drinks…

WORST: Mosquito bites (and now Zika fears)

photo-1463608841595-a96243903121

Happy summer! What do you love and hate about the season?

In real life: How will you spend Mother’s Day?

May 6, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

art-statue-child-mother

I realize that Mother’s Day is fraught with emotions for a lot of people: Joy, sadness, grief, love, loss. But the overwhelming intention of the day is to celebrate the role of women and their work to care for others, whether they’re genetic offspring or not.

We asked our friends how they plan to spend Mother’s Day (whether they are mothers, or they celebrate the women in their lives). Turns out, the most important thing for most of us is to enjoy quality time with people we love….

The Baby’s Room

April 29, 2016 by Leslie Leave a Comment

I love looking at beautifully designed nurseries. There’s nothing more inspiring to visions of perfect motherhood than a teak rocking chair next to a decorative end table in bright colors (see: anything from Land of Nod).

That kind of nursery was never in the cards for me. First, the budget for all that teak furniture is way out of my reach. I knew that I didn’t have the time to agonize over each item that would populate the room. Not to mention all the gifts we received (and appreciated!) that didn’t fit in my narrow vision for the room. But looking at beautifully designed nurseries does get me wondering what other people do in their baby’s room.

A few people have shared their rooms with us (yay!), so we’re showing their perspectives about decorating a real, live baby’s room with real-people budgets….

In real life: How much do you spend on coffee each week?

March 22, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

coffee and money

When I read about a Bay Area coffee shop selling super-fancy coffee for $15 a CUP, I was like, “SAY WHAT?!” I love coffee, and my husband and I are willing to shell out a few bucks for a good cuppa. We even periodically get shipments from our favorite Chicago coffee shop (roasted in the neighborhood where we lived for many years, and where we made many friends). I’ll admit I’d pay ONCE for that $15 cup of coffee. Last weekend, while on a quick girls-only trip to New York City, I paid $5 for a pour-over (au lait) at Blue Bottle, but that’s the exception for me. Most mornings my husband makes a french press pot, and I have one mug with a little sugar and half-and-half.

But how much do “normal people” pay for coffee each week? Am I the exception, or the rule? As you might expect by now, I asked my friends.

How much do you spend on coffee each week?

$15
I make coffee every morning at home at around $10-$20 per roasted bag. Unfortunately, there are not good coffee places near me, so this is the best I can get.
I am a sucker for free coffee. If there’s a free coffee pot brewing at work, I’ve sniffed it out and exploited it! On weekends we make our own at home; we really try to spend a minimal amount as the price is so marked up, usually about $5.
<$1. I drink the free coffee from our cafeteria at work, and we brew a pot each day on the weekend from beans bought at Costco.
$10, give or take
$0 to $25, depending on my ability to resist Starbucks and drink my coffee at the office
I only drink one cup a day, so minimal costs!
Tea.
Maybe $5 at most, drink coffee at work
About $15. More when I’m not pregnant.
No clue. I make pretty ordinary coffee at home every morning. I buy it far less often than I used to.
Between $5 and $15
$5-10

So, are you a Gilmore Girl who rushes to a local cafe every morning and shells out a few bucks? Or do you drink the swill from the office pots? (Who cleans those things, anyway?) Or do you skip coffee altogether and drink water, tea, Red Bull or Diet Coke?

In real life: What are you stressed about?

March 2, 2016 by Suzanne 2 Comments

stress

Adulthood and parenting are stressful, and we don’t need studies to tell us that.

But ok, here are a few in case you need evidence to agree:

Middle-school kids cause more stress for parents than infants.
And even our cells are stressed.

So we asked our friends, “What are you stressed about right now?” to see what they’d say. Here are their answers:

WORK

My new boss
Work. Although we really try to leave work worries at the front door, that has become increasingly harder to do.
Too much work, too little time to do it. Oh, and the massive cost of childcare that eclipses our mortgage 🙁
My career! Not doing something I feel passionate about, but not sure what to do next.
Going to work//getting up early to drive snowy roads (Blog note: We surveyed a few weeks ago when winter was still terrorizing half the country.)

HOME

My husband is leaving for two weeks on business. That means I will have no breaks from child care unless I pay for it.
We’re buying a new house and selling ours. It just went on the market. I’m so unhappy about the whole thing. I love our house. It’s the right time for our family, but the logistics are just so challenging.

PARENTING

I’m stressed this week because I’m grappling with my own (unrealistic?) expectations of what it means to be a stay-at-home mom.
Air travel with baby
As always, being a decent parent and person. Also, a 7-year-old who loves contradiction.

OTHER/EVERYTHING

Why I choose to spend my life in Winterfell. (As noted above, winter was really crushing some souls.)
Work and love-life
What am I not stressed about? Pregnancy woes, work, choosing a preschool, husband’s job…

Anything stressful you need to get off your chest? The comments are open for your venting/complaints/commiseration.