The Smart Domestic

True Stories of Semi-Competent Adults

housework

A home with a messy soul

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For a period in my life, I read a ridiculous amount of home design blogs. They were mostly geared toward lifestyles similar to mine (apartment-living, urban, rental, small spaces). But then I had a baby; I moved across states; I changed jobs. I lost my fascination with design blogs about stylish apartments.

But I’m still drawn to some of the styles of those places, even if I live in a traditional, two-story suburban house. I like bright colors, weird art, open shelving, and funky vintage pieces.

We’ve been in our current house for about a year and a half, and it’s only felt like our space in the last few months. The old, blue carpet in the bedrooms has been ripped out; the vintage, floral wallpaper has been stripped. Now the floors are light hardwood, and the walls are painted in neutral white and grays. Art collected over several years hangs throughout the walls and halls, along with family pictures and vacation photos.

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But more than that, we have a house where my husband and my son “camp out” in the living room for Friday night movies, where we make messy breakfasts on the weekends, where my son’s feet pitter-patter to our room in the mornings.

I like a house with a messy soul: crumbs from baked goods in the cracks of my chairs; red finger-paint smears on the walls of my basement stairs; piles of books on the cracked, roll-top desk my grandfather got in exchange for bartering an old Volkswagen (according to family legend).

I don’t need gleaming, white marble counters; plush, creamy rugs over wide planks of hardwood; ecru leather couches with beige throw pillows; ivory desks with shiny curios from trendy boutiques.

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My son and I read books with my name scribbled inside by my much-younger hand, and our armchair is very comfortable for snuggling, even if the cat has scratched its arms to bits. No one will be taking a virtual tour of my living room for decor inspiration.

I want art that brings me joy, because I know the hands that painted it and I know the faces smiling at me from family photos.

I have a bedside table stacked high with books, waiting for me to read them. My laptop follows me from couch to kitchen table, where I putter on the internet, write blog posts, and read news stories. My husband has a desk surrounded by nerd memorabilia and computer equipment. My son crashes trains in the living room, eats his snacks at a low table often smeared with juice, and he runs in literal circles before demanding to wrestle with his dad.

This mess is mine. This history is ours. This house has a soul, and it is on display for the world to see. It is imperfect and messy, but it is full of love radiating in all directions from the people inside it.

This is home.

In the next few weeks, we’re asking some friends to share their answers to one question: What makes a house feel like a home?

If you’d like to contribute, email thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

Manifesto for adulthood: There’s no shame in shortcuts

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Manifesto- Take shortcuts

I woke up this morning and starting going through my mental “to-do” list. I do this every morning, and it dawned on me that I was super busy. How did this happen? I quit my fancy consulting job and took a part-time job to give me more time. In an effort to get some free time back, I started working on some shortcuts.

It’s a trial-and-error kind of thing, looking for shortcuts. You don’t want your life to get shittier because you’ve neglected stuff to get other stuff done. A shortcut is beautiful when it allows you to get the important tasks done while you reclaim precious moments of time.

Here are a few shortcuts I’ve been experimenting with:

  1. Simplify house cleaning. Instead of cleaning the whole room, concentrate on one thing. I vacuum one day. Then another day, I might dust or de-clutter a room. Breakdown “cleaning the whole house” task into smaller tasks. Also, try 5 minutes of cleaning per room.
  2. Hire someone. My brother-in-law saw his neighbor’s teenage son and offered to pay him to mow his lawn. It was a win-win for all involved: Inexpensive and the teenager gets some cash. Don’t spend unnecessary time worrying that chores aren’t getting done; delegate them.
  3. Frozen food/no-cooking meals. I keep frozen chicken and veggies stocked so that if the cupboards are bare, I can throw something together quick. We also make some of our meals super easy, like pre-cooked chicken on a salad. There are services like Blue Apron, which provide all the ingredients for three or five meals a week. And let’s not forget pizza delivery, because sometimes it’s better than spending an hour in the kitchen.
  4. Get organized. This takes some effort upfront but saves a ton of time in the end. Just as we wrote about sorting kids’ outfits while folding laundry, being organized will help everything run smoothly. Everything has its place, you just need to find it. Lots of toys? Get lots of bins. Lots of dishes? Keep that dishwasher empty, and you won’t have clutter on the counter.

Tell us: How are you are taking shortcuts to enjoy life more?

This is the second in our “Manifesto for Adulthood” series, where we share our philosophies for being a better adult in the modern world.

The Dutch oven Mexican stand-off in my kitchen

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My husband and I share most household duties, but dishes are an ongoing pain. Sure, we have a dishwasher (which became a requirement after our first marital apartment did not). But there are lots of things you can’t put in the machine, namely Crock-Pots (too big), blenders (weird shape, too tall) and the worst offender of all, the Dutch oven.

We like to make soups and stews, so the Dutch oven gets used pretty often in our house. (My husband likes to make beef stew or slow-cooked pork chops; I tend to do curried lentils or split pea soup.) That big, heavy pot is perfect for simmering at low heat for hours.

But then, we eat all the stew, or move it into smaller containers for lunchtime portions. And the empty pot sits on the stove for a few days.

At some point, it moves to the sink or the counter.

Other dishes move in and out of the sink, through a wash cycle, into the drying rack, back into the cupboards.

But the Dutch oven? It sits.

Soaks.

Re-soaks.

Stinks.

Stinks more.

Finally one of use caves and washes it. In the most recent stand-off, it was me at the sink, ruining my gel manicure, fuming as I scrubbed the heavy lid and pot.

Who wins? Who loses? Did I win, because the pot is clean, I don’t have to see it in the sink anymore, and I can lord it over my husband for future chore karma? Or did he win, because he didn’t have to wash the Dutch oven? Did I lose, because I had to scour and scrub while holding my breath? Did he lose, because I was cranky about my dishpan hands all night?

I’d love to say we’ll learn our lesson and clean the dirty dish quickly next time, but history says we’ll continue to repeat our mistakes.

Someone please tell me we’re not the only household experiencing weekly Mexican stand-offs in the kitchen.

Images via the Library of Congress here and here

Shortcut: 5 minutes of tidying

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Shortcuts are life hacks for busy adults, quick tips to make life easier, and solutions we’ve found to eliminate (or at least reduce) frustrating tasks. Take ’em or leave ’em, but they work for some of us! If you’d like to share your own tip, email thesmartdomestic@gmail.com with the subject line “Shortcut idea.” 

While hanging out with a friend who is expecting a bundle of joy this summer, we were discussing how to get a handle on the clutter at our homes. I put all my blame on my husband and dog, as usual. (I mean, that sand isn’t tracking itself onto the floors!)

My friend told me about a brilliant way she was starting to save on the time it took to clean house. She and her husband spend 5 minutes a day on one room. They just do as much as they can in that 5 minutes and then leave it for later. That’s a tactic my husband and I could probably stick to.

Here’s my plan: Go to a room, get supplies, set a timer, and go! With baby toys, a shaggy dog, and a husband who has a million hobbies, things can get messy quick. But with a few minutes of work each night, we can keep things in slightly better shape.

 

In real life: Who does the laundry in your house?

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An epic change is happening inside American homes: Men are doing more laundry.

The younger the man, the more laundry he’s doing, according to The Wall Street Journal. In fact, among men ages 18 to 34, a full 67 percent claim they are “mainly responsible” for laundry. Big Business is taking note, so they can make More Money.

Detergent and washing machine makers are taking aim at this growing group. While women still report doing most of the clothes washing, men now share more of the load.

Tide is trying new scents it considers more masculine. Whirlpool added a cycle to keep colors from mixing because men don’t sort the laundry. Hero Clean detergent is geared for days-old stains because men tend to let dirty clothes sit around. Doing laundry, marketers say, involves more decisions than many other household chores and men and women do it differently.

But I had a sneaking hunch that my friends might have a different take on this laundry-related gender equality. After consulting with some ladies (all of whom cohabitate with gentlemen), I call shenanigans on this market research! The good news is, about half of our survey respondents share the duties OR their men take on the task. So maybe the dudes aren’t “mainly” responsible, but they are shouldering a (bigger) portion of the dirties than previous generations.

Here’s what our friends said when we asked, “Who does the laundry for your household?”

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As you can see: Two men are primary laundry-doers, four couples split the work, and five women said they’re the primary.*

Let’s give three cheers for the couples that split the work! Here’s what they said:

  • My husband and I do the laundry together and divide up the tasks. Usually I fold, and he irons.
  • I do mine, my husband does his, and one of us does our kid’s (me, 80 percent of the time). My husband is the type who immediately puts his clothes away. I live out of baskets.
  • Well, I used to and my husband would do the dishes, but we both sucked at our respective tasks, so we switched. That was 2 weeks ago.**
  • We don’t have a washer/dryer (there could be worse problems, but some days with a toddler I have a hard time believing that) so I get lazy and send the laundry out. A lovely gentleman by the name of Mario comes and picks it up for us.  However, if Mario wasn’t helping me out I would venture a guess that it would definitely be me.***

*Do you think the responses would be different if we asked the men in these relationships? Every time I bring down a load of laundry, my husband says, “I could’ve done that,” and I’m like, UNAMUSED FACE EMOJI.
**We should probably follow up to see how things are going in a few weeks. But I’ll call this a “split” for now.
***OK, that last one I’m calling “shared,” since technically the household is paying for a service. But our survey respondent would probably get the task if circumstances were different…