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parenting

Decisions: There will be another

October 1, 2016 by Suzanne 3 Comments

Photo by Ananda Escudero Gomes via Unsplash

October marks the month to recognize Pregnancy and Infant Loss. Today, we’re sharing one story about loss from Katie Colt. She’s written for us before, on a much lighter subject; today she’s sharing an essay about her first son, Max, who passed away shortly after his birth.

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: decisions, grief, infant loss, motherhood, parenting

Staying soft and being tired

September 22, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

img_7051Seven weeks ago, I welcomed my second baby boy to the world. We call him Theo. He excels at baby skills: Sleeping, eating, filling his diaper, and staring out into the world with wonder. He is a beautiful blank slate of humanity.

I’m stopping in here briefly to tell you about maternity leave, being a mom to two small humans, being sleep-deprived, and staying soft for a while.

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Filed Under: Miscellany Tagged With: kids, maternity leave, motherhood, parenting

What comes out of you?

August 12, 2016 by Leslie Leave a Comment

Tiny Fey Quote

Filed Under: Quotes Tagged With: babies, fatherhood, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, quotes

Decisions: Parenting with nostalgia

August 5, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

decisions - nostalgia

Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

Today, contributor Stephanie Mangino discusses how she’s merged her retro pop culture sensibilities with her daughter’s modern tastes. 

Merging our pop culture past and our kid’s present

By Stephanie Mangino

As my 7-year-old daughter and I walked hand-in-hand the short distance from the parking lot to her summer day camp, we talked about the music we’d just listened to on our car ride.

“You know, those guys I just played for you were friends with the ‘King of Rock’ guys,” I said. She looked at me. “Those earlier guys were RUN-DMC and ‘King of Rock’ was the flip side of the ’Walk This Way’ single.”

FYI, the first “guys” in question were the Beastie Boys. I played “Shake Your Rump” of “Paul’s Boutique,” because the girl is all about butts (in a joking way, not a Tina Belcher of “Bob’s Burgers” way).

The girl gazed up at me, smiling. “Mom, zip it,” she said with a mischievous grin.

“Zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket?” I asked.

“Yep,” she said as we continued walking.

Now, most of the time, I’m not politely asked to “Zip it,” nor is my husband, when we introduce the girl to the stuff from our childhoods that we love. I don’t remember making a specific decision to be fairly retro, in all ways, with the girl. Instead, it seemed to be a natural outgrowth of who we are as people, a couple, and parents. I nursed the girl with “Bonanza,” “Little House on the Prairie,” and “Magnum P.I.,” playing on the Hallmark channel. I had to cut out “Magnum,” though — its sounds seemed to irritate her tiny baby ears, for some reason.

So, our daughter, in 2016, actually has an opinion on whether she prefers “The Munsters” or “The Addams Family” (Munsters, usually), is very familiar with all the characters on “The Andy Griffith Show,” knows that Davy Jones is ALWAYS falling in love on “The Monkees,” can compare a fantasy medieval character on a kid’s show to the “farm boy” in “The Princess Bride,” and sing parts of both “Beat It” and “Eat It,” preferring “Eat It.” She happily wears Labyrinth and Beatles T-shirts and, courtesy of a “Psych” episode, has become a bit of a Tears for Fears fan. She’s seen Witchiepoo from “H.R. Pufnstuf” and “Sigmund and the Sea Monsters.” She knows the “WKRP in Cincinnati” theme song and always smiles when Def Leppard comes on a classic rock radio station. I listen to A TON of classic rock in the car. A TON.

Why is all this good? Why does this matter? Well, for me, it matters because I consider this stuff cultural and generational connective tissue. Here’s how I think about it:  My mom grew up watching “The Andy Griffith Show.” She quotes lines from it still, like “Nip it in the bud,” or “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never touch me.” I quote those same lines, and she and I laugh whenever we say them. My husband loves them, too. And now, so can my daughter. Her exposure to the show lets her get the joke while sharing something with all of us. We’ve conveyed our collective sense of humor to her with a few lines and a show. With the pop culture memories drawn exclusively from our own childhoods, something similar occurs. However, in this case, our moms remember how much we loved something and then share that info with the kiddo, which makes it impressive. (You know grandparental words carry far more weight than parental ones, yes? They’re so much more trustworthy than those people who remind you to brush your teeth each night.)

When we play the songs we like for her, we hand parts of our past to her in convenient little bundles. Whether or not she likes what she hears or sees, she’ll know we cared enough to share part of who we are with her through music. That goes for movies and books and general stuff, too.

Now, I can be a little pedantic about the things I enjoy, and I’m naturally inclined to lecture, which can turn off the girl sometimes. For example, my excitement and interest in the record player Santa brought means that the turntable is usually turned off. But when I step back and put a song on that I like, or play an old video just because, cool things can happen. One day, I turned on some Duran Duran videos, for the hell of it. To my delight, the girl loved “Rio.” My husband is more relaxed. He’ll turn on the TV and start some old show, without comment. The kid loves TV and eventually she rolls on over, watches and finds something she likes about it. Boom. Instant shared cultural currency.

All that said, we don’t completely live in the past. We listen to new songs, have cut the cable cord and run all our home media via the internet. The kiddo likes Minecraft and iPad games and the Kindle Fire. (She even reads from time to time, too.) She, like many others in the elementary school set, REALLY likes “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae).” When our family attended a party recently, the girl and a friend of hers caught lightning bugs and then decamped to her friend’s room to watch “My Little Pony” as the grown-ups listened to The Motels and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts on vinyl. She was upstairs making her own childhood memories as we were downstairs reliving some of ours. One day, if we’re lucky, both sets of those memories will meet and the girl will carry her personalized cultural currency to another generation.

Stephanie, a.k.a. Nostalgia Mom (www.nostalgiamom.com), is a former radio, print and web journalist, sometime blogger and full-time marketing writer. She has a history degree and a love of all kinds of old junk. She’s a wife to a husband who also loves old stuff (including her :)) and mother to one awesome kid, who unintentionally lives out Viv Savage’s maxim from “This Is Spinal Tap”: Have a good time, ALL the time.

Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: motherhood, music, nostalgia, parenting, pop culture, television

7 tips for moving with toddlers

June 27, 2016 by Suzanne 7 Comments

Let’s all ignore this study: “Moving can be hazardous to your health and wellbeing.”

We’ve noticed a lot of our friends have had to move from one home to another with toddlers (or babies, or older kids). Sometimes they’re moving back to their hometowns (as I did when my kiddo was about 7 months old); sometimes they’re taking better (or different) jobs that require a change in location. A lot of families move from apartments, condos or “starter homes” into bigger homes, or into better school districts, or to a neighborhood that’s more family friendly. (We realize sometimes you have to move the other way, into something smaller or cheaper, for reasons of job change, divorce or other life changes.)

Since I moved with a baby, our transition was fairly easy. We didn’t have to deal with discussions about new neighborhoods or toddler resistances to changes in routine.

So I asked a panel of experts (i.e. my sister and a friend from college) for tips to help other parents as they move. Our experts are married, working moms, each with a toddler. (For bonus similarity points: They’re both named Stephanie.) One moved within a city to a different house, another moved to a new city (in the same state) for work.

If you’ve got a move coming up, they’ve offered up some tips on how to help kids adjust and how to make the logistics easier in the midst of chaos.

TIPS FOR MOVING WITH KIDS

  1. Talk early and often with your kid(s).
    “We talked about the moving process and emphasized that everything/everyone/every pet would still be together at the new house. Rinse and repeat.”
  2. Introduce new parks, neighborhood, or home features with excitement.
    “We started playing at ‘our new park’ that’s only a couple blocks from our new house, driving by the house and frequenting things that were near the new neighborhood. We showed Thomas pictures we took of the inside of the house and especially his room. We emphasized cool features of our new house that we didn’t have before (‘You’re going to love swimming in your new pool!’).”
  3. Bribe your kid.
    “Give a special “new house” toy.”
  4. Pack strategically.
    “We were able to pack up a lot of the house without her realizing there was a huge difference (a 2-year-old doesn’t notice if you have empty kitchen cabinets and are eating on paper plates).”
  5. Hire movers!
    “BEST DECISION EVER!  It gets it done quickly and is least disruptive.”
  6. Set up the kid’s room first.
    “The day the movers came to the new house, we made sure to get her room set up first so it felt familiar.”
  7. Establish routines in the new neighborhood.
    “Once we moved in, we made sure to establish new fun routines in our new house and neighborhood. Other than missing seeing deer in our old backyard, the transition overall went pretty smooth.”

Thanks for sharing your tips, Stephanies! Readers: Got any other tips for parents who are dealing with a move? 

 

Filed Under: Miscellany Tagged With: moving, parenting, toddlers

Real talk: How will you celebrate Father’s Day?

June 17, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

father's day

Since we talked about Mother’s Day a few weeks ago, we figured it ‘s only fair to ask about the masculine equivalent coming up this weekend. As with any family-related holiday, we know there’s a whole bunch of baggage that people have around the topic of fathers and fatherhood, but we’re opting to look for the bright spots. Couldn’t we all use a little distraction this week, anyway? It’s been a heavy news cycle lately.

We asked for some real talk about Father’s Day, and here’s what our friends said to the question, “What are you doing for you dad and/or partner for father’s day?” 

  • Family gathering
  • My husband gets a card and small gift from the kids. I’ll also tackle bedtime duties, which is usually his domain, to give him some evening relaxing time.
  • My dad is not big on holidays, but I will call him because he appreciates my time more than he’d appreciate a set of grill utensils. Are grill utensils a thing dads get?*
  • Not sure yet**
  • Some cool gifts (Return of the Living Dead Limited Edition soundtrack on vinyl, Night of the Creeps sweatshirt and Halloween III baseball T-shirt from Fright Rags) and dinner out
  • Fishing and cook out
  • Taking my dad to the local airport diner (his favorite)
  • No clue.**  That’s bad, isn’t it? I had an idea a while back, and even mentioned it to our daughter. But I think both she and I forgot. We’re talented that way.
  • Sending a card.
  • Oh, crap! Can’t someone else handle that?**
  • Thinking great thoughts and smiling at how he enjoyed the simple things in life.***

* Yes. You can give grill utensils. My dad is not usually a stereotype of fatherhood, but I gave him some for a recent holiday because he was using teeny tiny tongs to grill, and I was worried he’d burn his hands off if he didn’t get some better equipment.

**  These “I don’t know yet” responses are fair answers, because we posed the question a few weeks ago! 

*** What a sweet answer! 

How are you celebrating Father’s Day? 

Filed Under: Real Talk Tagged With: celebrations, dads, father's day, fatherhood, fathers, parenting

Teach your kid to make their own way

May 12, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Pulitzer Prize-winner Lin-Manuel Miranda shares some thoughts on parenting (via GQ).

Filed Under: Quotes Tagged With: advice, lin-manuel miranda, parenthood, parenting, parenting quotes

Decisions: We moved from NYC to Germany

May 10, 2016 by Suzanne 1 Comment

IMG_1480 Decisions is a series dedicated to the choices we make in our lives and the factors that led us to our given resolutions. We welcome guest posts to this series to hear about how you’ve tackled a life decision. Email your story ideas to thesmartdomestic@gmail.com.

Today, Natasha Rivett-Carnac discusses her experience of moving to Germany with two kids and a limited German vocabulary. 

The Chrysalis: How One Family Decided to Move from NYC to Germany

By Natasha Rivett-Carnac

One morning on a hot summer day in New York City, the phone rings. It is the climate change office of the United Nations. The man on the phone says, “We want someone for the job of strategic adviser to the Executive Secretary of the United Nations.”  

“But I have no idea how to do that,” my husband says.  

“Perfect. That’s what we want.”  

My husband hangs up the phone. He looks at me with a now-familiar mixture of anticipation and apprehension.  

“How do you feel about Germany?” he says. …

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Filed Under: Decisions Tagged With: adventure, expatriate life, Germany, living abroad, marriage, parenting

In real life: How will you spend Mother’s Day?

May 6, 2016 by Suzanne Leave a Comment

art-statue-child-mother

I realize that Mother’s Day is fraught with emotions for a lot of people: Joy, sadness, grief, love, loss. But the overwhelming intention of the day is to celebrate the role of women and their work to care for others, whether they’re genetic offspring or not.

We asked our friends how they plan to spend Mother’s Day (whether they are mothers, or they celebrate the women in their lives). Turns out, the most important thing for most of us is to enjoy quality time with people we love….

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Filed Under: Real Talk Tagged With: moms, motherhood, mothers day, parenthood, parenting

The Baby’s Room

April 29, 2016 by Leslie Leave a Comment

I love looking at beautifully designed nurseries. There’s nothing more inspiring to visions of perfect motherhood than a teak rocking chair next to a decorative end table in bright colors (see: anything from Land of Nod).

That kind of nursery was never in the cards for me. First, the budget for all that teak furniture is way out of my reach. I knew that I didn’t have the time to agonize over each item that would populate the room. Not to mention all the gifts we received (and appreciated!) that didn’t fit in my narrow vision for the room. But looking at beautifully designed nurseries does get me wondering what other people do in their baby’s room.

A few people have shared their rooms with us (yay!), so we’re showing their perspectives about decorating a real, live baby’s room with real-people budgets….

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Filed Under: Real Talk Tagged With: babies, decorating, nurseries, parenting

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